JF :: Brain Farts :: Archive of September, 2002

Archive of September, 2002

Not All Newspapers Are Created Equal

September 30, 2002:

First off, sorry I haven't been updating lately. Between my neighbor borrowing my machine to do her Java homework and having a friend in town for the weekend, I haven't had a chance to write anything.

So. When I went outside to get my Sunday paper I saw that someone had taken my copy of the Post-Gazette. Therefore I stole someone else's copy of the Tribune-Review, Pittsburgh's second newspaper.

Good lord is that paper a bunch of ass. The articles are even lower quality than what was in the high-school paper, the comic selection is even weaker than the PG's, the editorial board leans farther to the right than Pat Buchanan and Rush Limbaugh combined, and the dimwits don't even include a TV listing.

These yahoos couldn't even get the sports section right, and you only need an IQ of about 70 to write a sports article. Hell, Mark Madden manages to write a semi-coherent weekly article for the PG and his article picture makes him look like he regularly drools on himself. I guess the TR's writers ride the short bus to work.

Oh, and the editorials. The PG at least has a nice mix of liberal and conservative editorials and op-ed pieces. (Not much libertarian that I can see, but it's not a perfect world.) They usually even manage to get a good balance in the letters to the editor. The TR doesn't even try. They only feature "right," "farther right," and "what was wrong with fascism?" on their pages.

In short, I can't believe they have nearly as many subscribers as they say they do. And if you're planning on moving here make sure you get the PG. It may not be perfect, but it at least gives you the news.

A Little Poetry

September 26, 2002:

Took me a couple days to figure out how to pass this bit of insanity along. Enjoy.

Take me out to the ballgame,
Get taken out by the crowd.
Buy me some peanuts and crackerjack,
Shove down a coach and make his skull crack.
Root, root, root for the home team,
Or find someone to blame.
For it's one more guy to knock out
At the old ballgame.

Is Week Three Too Early To Gloat?

September 25, 2002:

AFC, Northern Division

Team	Record	WP
Cleveland Browns	2-1	0.667
Baltimore Ravens	0-2	0.000
Pittsburgh Steelers	0-2	0.000
Cincinnatti Bengals	0-3	0.000

Heh. Only team in the AFC North with a winning record. Hell, only team in the AFC North with a win. I know there are still 13 or 14 games to play, and things can really change, but I'm just lovin' this right now. Pittsburgh is so much more bearable when the "Stillers" are losing...

Why Do I Remember These Things?

September 24, 2002:

Dunno how my brain got on this topic, but lately the embarassment-loop in my brain has been working overtime. Every stupid thing I've said or done in the last five years or so seems to be up for review. And there's lots of 'em.

Thing is, I know that I can be a royal dumbass sometimes. I know it as soon as I open my mouth, or finish whatever stupid action I was doing. I don't need to relive it.

If I were learning from these gaffes, that would maybe make it acceptable. But I don't. All that happens is I (figuratively) kick myself even harder, thinking "why the hell did I do that again?!" Not constructive.

So what I'm looking for is either a way to remember not to do these stupid things a second time (thus increasing the Smooth Factor and, maybe, the self-confidence level) or find a way to shut that part of my brain off. Or maybe get some Prozac.

Now It All Makes Sense

September 23, 2002:

Now I know why the pilots want to carry guns in the cockpit: To protect themselves from the air marshalls.

Whoops

September 21, 2002:

Forgot to drop some entries into the pipeline before my computer went offline Friday. But I've got a working electrical outlet and the cat stink is (I'm pretty sure) gone. Come back tomorrow for your regularly-scheduled programming.

Automotive Fun, Part II

September 19, 2002:

So. I had the car towed to the mechanic ($45), who couldn't reproduce the not-starting problem. Then they wanted to charge me $285 to replace the starter. This triggered the "avoid anal rape" portion of my brain. I called Pep Boys, they have a rebuilt starter that costs $80. Call the garage back: Can I bring in the part and they install it? No.

Screw 'em then. I have them pull the car over to the side, and sure enough, the sumbitch starts right up when I go to get it. Next day (today) I try to start the car again and get nothing. It's the slope in front of the house; for some reason the car can start when it's level. I find a flat spot and get the sucker cranked up (after unsuccessfully trying to push-start it) and get it to Pep Boys. They fix it by 6:00. Cost: $135.

So Molnar's cost me a day and wanted to charge me double. I don't think I'll be getting my car worked on there any more.

The Euro... Just Sickening

September 18, 2002:

Well, the EU has a new problem with their money (in addition to the fact that it looks like it belongs in a Monopoly game): Due to the use of two metals in the 1€ and 2€ coins, nickel is being released when the coins come in contact with someone's sweaty palm. It's causing problems for people who're allergic to nickel.

I bet the Brits feel really smart right about now.

Automotive Fun

September 17, 2002:

My starter crapped out Sunday! Whee!

More Landlord Shit

September 16, 2002:

Went in today (the 3rd) to deliver my rent and follow up on (read: ask them when they're going to get around to) the work orders I put in. Tub faucet: still sitting on my toilet tank. Living room outlet: Still not wired. And the carpet? Ask next week, since the guy's on vacation this week. So that will be a month old by the time they get it fixed, too.

Unfortunately I got the cute blonde girl today. I'd have had a much easier time bitching out the guy. Instead I just said, OK I'll check back in later. God I'm a wuss around cute women.

Update, Sept. 5: The maintenance guy just now installed the faucet (he had to lengthen the pipe for it to seat properly) and says I'll be the first person on his list on the 7th for the outlet. We shall see...

Update, Sept. 12: Guess what still hasn't happened yet?

Update, Sept. 13: Someone was supposed to come in at 10:00 today and pull up the carpet. It's now 10:20. I'll give the guy until 10:45 before I go to the office and bitch. It seems like the left hand doesn't know what the right hand's doing with the carpet thing. But the guy will be in tomorrow Saturday to pull it up, supposedly. And I still lack an outlet. But on the upside, I have a functioning doorknob now.

Update, Sept. 14: So did the guy show up to pull up the carpet today? Of course not.

Parenting Tips

September 14, 2002:

Saw this and laughed my ass off. Remember, don't take any shit from your kids.

Coincidences You Know People Won't Let Go Of

September 13, 2002:

The New York Lottery drew 9-1-1 in its pick three game yesterday (on 9/11). MSN at least had the good sense to point out that it's a 1-in-1000 chance. I just can't wait for the conspiracy theories to start on this one...

NFL Opening Weekend

September 12, 2002:

The NFL had a great idea: Throw a giant party to open up the football season. The party was in New York, as was the game, and there were a lot of people there. The only downside is that Bon Jovi was there.

But think about this now. Could you imagine baseball throwing a party before the Sunday night game that starts the season in April? Can you see ESPN covering it? I can't either. Football's become so much more popular than baseball, that it's assumed MLB's place as the national pastime.

(On the downside, I have to deal with Yinzers decked out in black and gold for the next 20 weeks or so. Goes with the territory, I guess.)

"Politics, Politics, Politics!"

September 11, 2002:

There are quite a few well-known defendants up for the death penalty at the moment. And I've realized that I'm actually against the death penalty.

It's not that I don't think some of these guys don't deserve to die. Like I said last summer, some people just need to be put down, like you would a viscious animal.

But there's the problem. How can we ever know for sure that these people deserve it? Our legal system is based on the idea that mistakes can be corrected. A new witness could come forward, DNA evidence could be examined (or reexamined), etc., and the new evidence will be heard by an appeals court. In some cases the conviction will be overturned.

Except for the death penalty. You can't exactly undo that one. Even though it takes more than a decade to execute a criminal (and a lot of states have mandatory appeals when the death penalty is handed down), we can never know 100% whether we really have the right person. Forty years from now if some new forensic technique exonerates the accused, he can't be un-killed.

And that's why I disagree with capital punishment. I know it's an about-face from a year ago, but I think I've arrived at the correct decision this time. Better late than never, ya know.

That's All I Can Stands; I Can't Stands No More!

September 10, 2002:

Well, the cheap mouse I bought two years ago is about to give up the ghost. It's starting to have trouble with things like clicking and dragging, which makes Windows usage a little problematic. Just another expenditure that I shouldn't be making right now... *sigh*

Games Don't Usually End Like This...

September 09, 2002:

Just got back from watching the Browns' season opener at the Oregon. They should've won 39-37. They didn't.

Four seconds left, Kansas City has the ball. The quarterback drops back, and is tackled. Time expires during the play. Everyone thinks the game is over. One of the Browns players tosses his helmet in celebration.

But the game isn't over -- the quarterback lateralled the ball as he was going down. The running back ran deep into Cleveland territory before being forced out of bounds. So the game's still over, right?

Wrong. A Cleveland player removed his helmet, remember? Thanks to the "Emmitt Smith rule," removing one's helmet during the game causes a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. Since the play was in progress, the penalty was called. But the game's still over, right?

Wrong. The game cannot end with the defensive team being penalized, even if that penalty has no bearing on the game itself. The Chiefs were given one more play, so they brought in their place-kicker. He made a field goal.

Browns lose, 40-39.

How Sad

September 07, 2002:

Things have been so boring here lately. There haven't been any good jobs on the Pittsburgh Tech Council site since before Labor Day, and I haven't heard anything back from the phone call last week. Time for a follow-up, I guess. My cute neighbor is still married, and isn't introducing me to her new friends. Maybe I need to be a little less discreet with that one and just ask her to introduce me to her classmates. I'm basically done with the freelance job -- I need to get information to register it at one last search engine and then I can get paid. And the most interesting thing going on in the next couple weeks is the new episodes of DBZ that will start showing on September 16th.

God my life is dull.

Eep

September 06, 2002:

On a whim I plugged my height and weight into an online calculator. My body-mass index (BMI) is 32.8, which "indicates moderate obesity." Given my height (5'7") and build ("medium," in the absence of any assistive description), I should weigh 155-160 pounds.

I currently weigh 210. Fifty pounds overweight.

Shit.

Well, on the upside, every time I visit Htet Htet she offers to feed me, and she actually makes healthy food as opposed to the french-bread pizzas I tend to feed myself. (Y'know, it's a real shame she's not single.)

I s'pose it's possible for me to lose most of the weight between now and the exipration of my lease next summer. But given that exercise is boring I wouldn't bet on it.

More Apartment Fun

September 05, 2002:

Ignoring the stink, there are a few more details about the apartment that the landlord is slow to fix.

There's the bathroom wall. The last guy let the tub facuet leak like a mofo, and there's a big chunk missing from the wall. The caulk around the tub had also deteriorated. I reported this on the 5th. On the 28th the wall was fixed and the tub re-caulked (as an aside, my bathroom smells like a giant model airplane now). Maintenance still needs to come in and attach the new tub faucet, as I currently have a pipe sticking out of my wall.

My living room has an electrical outlet with no wires in it. The maintenance guy took a look at it on the 15th, and said he'd be back the next week. It's the 29th now, and I still have extension cords running across the room to power my computer.

I'm wondering if I should even bother mentioning the loose brick in the fireplace...

What Else Is On During the Day?

September 04, 2002:

Well, I guess I can't watch the news for the next month. The national newscasts have already started dispensing their "9/11 One Year Later" drivel.

Look, five years from now, maybe ten, we'll know how much this country was affected by the attacks. But we don't know right now, because we're still living through the cultural changes. Ahscroft & Co. are still trying to stomp the Bill of Rights, Dubya's still trying to convince the other 6 billion people on Earth that blowing up Iraq again is a great idea, and Osama himself just might still be alive.

So anyone that says, "how has America changed since 9/11" is just looking for airtime. Just skip it. All of it. And let me know when news is on the news again.

Just Noticed...

September 03, 2002:

Even on weekends, the traffic lights downtown are timed for maximum annoyance.

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